Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
