yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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