He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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