I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
