so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
