fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
