Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm at about main and main street
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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