I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
