And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
