He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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