so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
