I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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