girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
