i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
