Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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