hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
