the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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