I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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