I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
