what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
