Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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