fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
