Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
