love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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