You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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