I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
