i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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