You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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