She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
