I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
