wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
