ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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