My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
