I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
