I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
