I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
