dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
