i think my tv is drunk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
