He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
