I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
