does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
