we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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