Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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