Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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