I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
