Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
well you can't waste a boner
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
