mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
