ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
