Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
