really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
