when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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